Letters to our Children

….That moment you realize why Mommy always says markers are for paper only….

Roby. Kaisy.

Hi my nuggets.

You’re both supposed to be sleeping right now. Instead, you’re making owl sounds and rasberries at each other through your bedroom doors. It’s making me smile and have hope that you will have a good day together tomorrow.

You had a really rough day today. I had a really rough day today too.

As I write this….I wish I had chosen to write it on a different day. So I could write to you with something sweet and fun.

Truth is… today started at 3:15am when you came into our bed and woke me up Ro. I couldn’t get back into a good sleep after that.

You both tried the hell out of my patience today. There are marks on the wall that must be painted over, messes that YOU will be cleaning up tomorrow, and at least one paper that I’m going to have to tape together in order to do my taxes.

You both got multiple time outs today. You both eat your time outs like candy, and I now find them somewhat useless and don’t know what to do.

Kai I know you’re about to turn 2 next month, and you’re in a stage of more discovery and limit testing. Ro, I know you’re a clever little threenager and this is part of your development.

But.

I wanted to run away from home this morning. Between the hitting, the back talk, the destruction, the willful disobedience, the non-hitting violence….::shudder::

I lost my patience and yelled at you both. A lot. Then I immediately hated myself for it.

Ugh.

It’s hard to mom sometimes. Especially when “the face” doesn’t work.

You guys were crazy lil monsters all morning and early afternoon and all I wanted to do was nap.

Then yall had the nerve to get sick. Kaisy I knew you were coming down with something, but Ro you popped out of nowhere with the fever from hell.

While I love how agreeable, non-violent, and quiet you are when you’re not feeling well, it is truly the absolute worst thing in the world for your dad and me to see you that way.

And he’s lucky because he can go to work and try to forget.

I’m over here checking your temp every five seconds, offering you drinks that you refuse, asking you how you feel every 2 minutes, unable to get any work done because my anxiety is just bubbling over like an unwatched pot. It’s awful. And I know you’re annoyed with the incessant doting and worrywart mommy, but I can’t help it.

::sigh::

I just love you two nuggets to pieces. I just love you all up and never want you to feel any pain….impossible as that is.

I would love it if our days weren’t so hard sometimes. If you just never felt sick or feverish. If you would be gentle with each other like I request 337654446789 times a day. If you would use kind language and less shrill shrieky screams…like I request 23o429834923 times a day.

But I know you’re working on that part. Just like I’m working on keeping you healthy and well, and working on my patience with the behavior. We’re trying, right? (Least…I hope yall are trying cuz…gawd.)

Mommy loves every day home with you. Even days when she’s impatient, worried, dead tired and behind on work. Even when you do every single thing you’ve been asked to avoid doing. Mommy loves and is grateful that she can have easy and rough days at home with you.

At 3.5 and almost 2, you guys are growing so fast it scares me. So if you could slow down just a little I’d appreciate it. And stop trying to kill each other too, if you can swing it.

Here’s to tomorrow, kids. Let’s make it a wonderful day with no time outs.

Mommy loves you!

*muah* *muah*

Thanks Lashawn for putting this blog circle together. Go check out the letter Candace at New York State of Mom wrote today!